i just found the weapon tool that i will use to discipline my children.

you guys might be asking, “chris, what exactly is that contraption?”

allow me to tell you - its a bike brake cable. 

it has the perfect amount of flexibility to create the optimal amount of potential energy to inflict the perfect stinging sensation that all children fear and hate. It also makes that sharp whipping noise that will instill a sense of fear when they hear it. plus it has a metal tip on the end of it to increase my DPS (damage per second). perfection. 

i found it lying around my apartment and decided to try and whip my own hand with it to see how much it’d hurt. i gotta tell you, it hurt like a mother effa. 

my kids are gonna have to think twice before they cross disobey me. About to take your first underage drink? think of the whip. About to take a puff of that cigarette? think of the whip. About to have premarital sex? think of the whip. About to engage in some kind of hooliganism? THINK OF THE WHIP.

i shall call it the decimator. 

if you wanna get one for your disciplinary needs, you can find it on amazon for $2.

//edit, if you chew loudly (smack your lips like an uncultured jungle man) i will pull this bad boy out and whip you right in your mouth.